i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
where does the pee come out of this thing
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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