SEEEEXXX PLEASE
You smell like a Billy Joel song
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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