I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Randomize
