R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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