She's JV to your varsity
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
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