I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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