Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
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