Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
