We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Randomize
