Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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