If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
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