Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
