i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize
