I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
