my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
