thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Randomize
