Umm I'm too high to move.
I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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