I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
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