I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Randomize
