she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
