i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Randomize
