you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
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