i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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