I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Randomize
