How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
