so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
You can't special order awesome
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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