Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
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