We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
i out mim tonsoeep
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