This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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