Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Randomize
