Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
