you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Randomize
