I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
