I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
The air was thick with penises
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
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