a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
