I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
