have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
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