I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
