Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
