Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
