Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
it's great music for shaving your balls
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Randomize
