You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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