I need help removing her.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Randomize
