She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
