i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
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