You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
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