Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
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