I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
