Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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