So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Randomize
